Ah, it’s that time of year again. Eurovision. I love Eurovision, although it’s a mostly unknown concept here in south-east Asia, prompting us to instead tune in to the Eurovision website to satisfy our hankering for all things kitsch and bobbing.

Part of the immense fun of Eurovision is, frankly, throwing popcorn at the screen at various acts and both The Wast and Little Dinosaur joined us for a little time (before their night curfew) to check out the Preview Videos, which are all flavours of awesome. Especially the bad ones! There are 42 participants in this year’s competition, which is spread across 3 days, with the finals being held on Sunday. At first, I thought I’d only comment on some of the entries but that’s a bit unfair so I’m going to give you our rundown on all 2009 entries. Yes, lucky you! First 21 today; next 21 tomorrow.

My thanks to J for being able to roughly translate a frightening number of non-English entries. Who knew the Slavic roots were so widespread? Horny little devils.

[And please bear in mind that Eurovision is famous for being kidded, so take everything with a pinch of fun, okay?]

Warning: some nasty language ahead!

ALBANIA. Nice looking place. Channelling ABBA imperfectly.

ANDORRA. Anonymous, girlie pop.

ARMENIA. Oh, outstanding, with a charming video … once it gets started.

AZERBAIJAN. J’s favourite. Azerbaijan does Arnold Vosloo, with a belt buckle that’s pure Wolowitz.

BELARUS. Who says the 70s are dead? Plus, those cuffs could double as rice scoops.

BELGIUM. Forget it.

BOSNIA & HERZEGOVINA. J tells me the lyrics are socially profound. I’m more obsessed with wondering if she’s wearing underpants.

BULGARIA. Medieval hacking meets bittersweet love story. There’s enough material in the clip alone for an LoTR (Lord of the Rings) type trilogy. With horses.

CROATIA. Guess who has Photoshop?

CYPRUS. Firefly? Man, it had better be the series. Sadly, no. Creepy Twilight vibe though. With horses.

CZECH REPUBLIC. The Austria of 2009. Well done!

DENMARK. Forgettable. Oh, and emo.

ESTONIA. Different. Classy. Don’t think she should’ve played the violin though. It was good but interrupted the flow. Loved the background.

FINLAND. Social commentary meets bitumen with a dash of rigor mortis. Full points for the non-blinking eyes, but the angel inclusion needed a barf bag. No horses, though, so that’s a plus.

FRANCE. The country’s aware that Edith Piaf’s dead, right? But I do love the “what, don’t you understand French? Then fuck you!” vibe that consistently runs through France’s Eurovision entries. And they’re surprised they never win.

FYR MACEDONIA. Ah, the 80s. Big hair. Big bass guitar riffs. Vocals with emotion choked in the throat. But hold on …?

GERMANY. Did Merkel pay for this Kiss Kiss USA effort?

GREECE. Pleasant. Forgettable. Cute … but not in profile.

HUNGARY. Right Said Fred, reincarnated into a very uncomfortable-looking future that sounds like a cross between the Bee Gees and Earth, Wind & Fire.

ICELAND. We are so poor now, I can’t even afford a decent song.

IRELAND. Oh lord, I want to forget! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaassssseeeeee!

Come back tomorrow for the rest and J and my picks. Oh, and comment if you want to be in the draw for a copy of A Pirate’s Passion.