Archive for September, 2009

  • Okay, let’s talk environment again

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    But from a different angle this time.

    Malaysia is a beautiful country, and I’m not saying that just because I was born here. Coming back after decades away has meant that I see the country anew, with its sweeping vistas of green, hills and mountains draped in soft clouds, and the occasional touch of exoticism to tickle the fancy:

    beware of elephants sign

    But Malaysia suffers from the same malady as most other Asian countries. It’s too good for the people. I’m referring to scenes such as the following from Sibu Island, as an example of the high regard with which Malaysians treat their natural environment:

    Sibu Island

    Sibu Island

    And, my particular favourites, well above the tide line:

    Sibu Island

    Sibu Island

    It appears that in both Singapore and Malaysia, used sanitary napkins are the female litter items du jour.

    Why? Why? Why? Why? Why boast to other people about what a beautiful country Malaysia is, then throw your litter out of the window? Singaporeans, I’ve seen you driving along the North-South Expressway (in Malaysia), tossing out milkshake containers and burger wrappers with gay abandon. Do you have such little respect for others? No wonder Malaysians despise you. You do in other countries what you don’t have the cojones to do in your country and if you noticed any car occupant clapping and giving a thumbs up sign to you when you were pulled over by the police for speeding, that was probably me.

    So, there are two issues here: one is the attitude of Malaysians to their own common space. To be blunt, it’s disgusting. The way a locale is maintained is a true indication of the level of communal pride of the locale’s inhabitants. It doesn’t matter if itinerants come through and litter; the residents have already organised — through their local councils — regular clean-up crews to deal with it. At least, that’s the way it should work. But the bureaucracy here is so lackadaisical that nothing seems to make a dent. Remember that email I sent to the Johor branch of Tourism Malaysia after our disastrous visit to Desaru Beach? Never heard boo back. Lazy bastards.

    Sibu Island

    And let me tell you something else. The waters around Sibu Island are supposedly the Mersing Marine Park. which means it’s supposedly protected from fishing and marine development areas. But not only is dredging of marine rocks going on, but one resort is holding its fourth annual fishing competition soon! With prizes! And, of course, you’ve already seen the scenic pictures. If this is how a protected area of the country looks, you can just imagine the rest of it.

    Don’t you understand, Asians? Not everything in the world revolves around YOU. And while you may know where you threw that broken glass bottle, how would you feel if one of your children cut their foot open while stepping on it? Or one of your grandchildren? Seemingly courteous and hospitable people from throughout the region are revolting primitives once you get them beyond the confines of their homes. And I don’t know what to do to help stop it.

    Sibu Island

    What’s that, you say? Institute stiff penalties like Singapore does? (That don’t work anyway except for the touristy Orchard Road, Bukit Timah and Holland Village precincts, but that’s a different point.) Nope, that isn’t the solution. Externally-directed punitive measures fail the minute these people (and I use the term lightly) visit another country. Oh, Singaporeans will be law-abiding little rabbits when they go visit Western countries, cowed by the surrounding orang putih, but put them some place where they can feel superior to the locals (Indonesia, Malaysia, or Thailand, for example) and they revert to the littering, thoughtless bullies that they are.

    Malaysia has problems. I know that. Got a couple of days? I’ll list them alphabetically for you, some from recent bitter experience. But while the locals can claim (illegitimately, in my opinion, but still) ignorance, there is absolutely no excuse for our supposedly superior and better-educated cousins across the Johor Strait. With regards to looking after the environment, Singapore, you can talk the talk, but you can’t walk the walk. Malaysians, I wonder when you’ll grow up and realise the environment isn’t your own personal rubbish bin. And for the country that is Malaysia, I continue to weep for you.

    POSTSCRIPT: It’s time for me to take a break. Rather than post in a haphazard fashion and thus frustrate you, gentle reader, I’m giving myself till the end of the month to recharge. I’ll still be posting over at Novel Spaces on the 11 and 27 of this month, but Fusion Despatches (that’s this blog) will remain in suspended animation during that time.

  • A win for Veiled Secrets Reviews

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    Far be it for me to remain churlish in the face of grace. I got an email from Megan Bamford last night (owner of the Veiled Secrets Reviews site) and it is such an absolutely terrific email that I just have to reproduce it here:

    I had your email address….

    ….because I’ve reviewed your books before for another site, seeing you wondered.

    I do realize that you didn’t want me to contact you again however I just wished to thank you for your criticism.  Every comment or criticism no matter how it was intended is a useful tool that will allow me to improve the way that I do things.  As you pointed out I am only new at running a website of any kind and am very enthusiastic (what a nice thing to say!) if this has caused me to upset or offend you I’d like to apologize.

    Also I’d like to correct your assumption that because you chose to give your feedback via your blog rather than through email or just biting your tongue that I’d get stupidly offended and refuse to review your books.  That is not the case.  However if it is your express desire that the site does not handle your books I will of course respect your wishes.

    At this point, unless you contact me, you will not be hearing from me again until I contact you to notify you when a review is posted.

    Thank you for your time.

    Megan
    Veiled Secrets Reviews
    Where a secret awaits you under every cover.

    Okay, Megan, if you like advice, here’s more. Why didn’t you TELL us you’d reviewed our work before? That would have personalised an otherwise horrendously spammy email. And, secondly, go easy on the selling in the introductory email. And, again, don’t ever ever put recipient’s email addresses in the CC fields ever again.

    After the usual type of behaviour we’re all used to, I have to say that I’m very impressed with how Megan conducted herself, especially knowing just how acerbically grumpy I can get. Congratulations Megan and all the best for Veiled Secrets Reviews! (Although I’m still dubious about the name.)

  • Hey there, Veiled Secrets Reviews

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    I got an email the day before yesterday from Veiled Secrets Reviews. Here’s what it said in part:

    Announcing the Grand Opening of a brand new review site Veiled Secrets Reviews.  Veiled Secrets Reviews is dedicated to providing high quality reviews for all sub genres of romance.  An attractive easy to understand rating system is set on a website with an easy on the eyes font and coloration.  Not to mention the beautiful dragons that will grace your page after you get reviewed by Veiled Secrets Reviews.  Advertising packages are available at special low introductory rates so get in while the prices are white hot.

    It then went on, ad nauseam, to repeat everything it had on its site under the “Authors/Publishers” tab into the email. In other words, it was nothing more than a trashy email blast, which is the kind of thing that’s marginally amusing when you’re a female reading about penis enlargements (at least those spam messages are … ahem … short), but are totally and bloody annoying when they’re two pages long and meant to put you in a good mood and, at the same time, elicit money from you.

    My first question to the ostensible owner of the site, Megan Bamford of Browns Plains, Queensland, is, where the HELL did you get my email address? Did you get it from someone else’s list? Scrape it off some site? Do you think this is a good way to begin a business, because it’s not. You do NOT send out email blasts to people you want to get on your side. But you do send them out if you want to really piss. Them. Off. As you have me. Amateur strike number one.

    Secondly, it’s patently obvious that you don’t have a gram of marketing ability because putting the stuff you’re interested in (money, money, money) way before any of the stuff we’d be interested in (promotional opportunities) is … oh, how shall I put this? … STUPID. Amateur strike number two.

    Thirdly, what the HELL are you thinking, putting all 33 of our email addresses in plain sight as mere CCs? That must be one of the most ridiculous and hare-brained tactics I have ever seen in cyberspace. It is grossly insecure and shows me that you’ve come out of the starting gate with enthusiasm, certainly, but, again, utterly no sense whatsoever. Amateur strike number three.

    And fourthly, what kind of a hell name is that? Veiled Secrets Reviews. Did you even try saying it before you registered it?? Amateur strike number four.

    As a consequence of this, my first taste of Veiled Secrets Reviews is, to say the least, suspect. I know I may be doing myself a disservice in this. After all, who can resist :: cue harp music :: “the beautiful dragons that will grace … [my] … page” after I get a review from a site I’ve never heard of before with a strange aversion to hyphens? But, in this particular case, I may just resist temptation and, instead, ask that Veiled Secrets Reviews. Never. Contact. Me. Ever. Again.

  • Vacations: the “eco-friendly” scam

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    Thanks for joining me on a mini-series on vacations. This is the last in a series of four but I’ll be tackling associated topics in the weeks to come. Have a good weekend!

    GREEN is the new black. Ever since profligate user of carbon and person who advised the President NOT to sign the Kyoto Protocol, Al Gore, (it’s in the public record, go look it up) came out with his little documentary, there appears to be an even greater move to be “green”. I’m even seeing it in work emails, about the company’s “green” products, as well as various exhortations at the bottom of emails questioning whether any of them really need to be printed out.

    Anyway, as we’re on the topic of vacations, let’s look at a few examples of how the green revolution affects it.

    Coming on the heels of organic food, consumers have now been conditioned to accept a higher price-point for anything that’s “natural” or “environmentally friendly”. Maybe that’s understandable when we’re talking about food (pesticide alternatives plus a more intensive hands’ on approach all cost money), but is it really justified when it comes to vacations?

    Yes of course, there are resorts that are built from the ground up, taking into account the unique environmental sensitivities of the area, etc. etc. But what about those resorts or hotels that have already been established and that decide to switch and “go green”.

    All too often, it seems, I’m staying in places where the tariff is the same (or higher) than its contemporaries, but with reduced facilities, all under the banner of being “environmentally friendly”. Mine is a simple question of finance: if you are providing me with fewer amenities, and saving yourself money in the process, then why aren’t you passing along your savings to me? If I have to use the same towels for a 4-night stay (which isn’t a problem) and you say you’re not providing me with the usual body lotion/cotton balls/whatever, also under the guise of being “environmentally friendly”, then why am I still being charged a high rate?

    It seems to me that questioning this model in this way is akin to killing babies. Being “green” or “eco-aware” has been turned into such a piece of dogma, that you’re criticised for even bringing up a skerrick of scepticism. But why? Why are we so unquestioningly taken in by claims of environmental friendliness? Isn’t this our own money we’re spending? (Well, maybe the company’s money half the time, but you get my point.) And, if so, aren’t we entitled to ask about the value we’re getting from our own hard-earned dollars?

    “We apologise that your towels are stained, but they’re clean. This is because we’re an environmentally-friendly establishment.”
    “We haven’t put a radio or clock in your room because they use batteries/electricity and we’re an environmentally-friendly establishment.”
    “As an environmentally-friendly establishment, there is no air-conditioning available.”

    All of this means the hotel is spending substantially less money (multiply, let’s say, one small bottle of lotion by 100 rooms by 10 months a year), but has it translated to savings for consumers? Think about it. But you can’t ever question it. To do so is like admitting you do open burning for fun every weekend. It’s strange, isn’t it, how being “environmentally friendly” so often works in the hotel’s favour, rather than our own?

  • Vacations: Tiara Beach Resort

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    For a change, we had a recent weekend at a local resort too. The Tiara Beach Resort at Port Dickson. The lies have already begun, because Tiara is about 26km south of Port Dickson town which, depending on where you are, can be an entirely different country, much less town. Here’s their website.

    We took the cheapest family option, which turned out to be RM400 per night, including use of all water facilities. Booking via the internet, breakfast was RM15/person (adult and child), which is much cheaper than buying it at the check-in counter or the restaurant itself.

    We got onto Tiara via my friend, Parvathy, who was talking about the supposed excellence of the Ramadan buffet at the resort. (It’s Ramadan at the moment, so the “buka puasa” dinners, when Muslims break their fast, is an extravaganza of food.) What the hell, we thought, let’s spend a weekend and see what it’s like.

    What we didn’t like: We had this problem with the British Malaysian Fawlty Towers as well, but not to the same extent …. Dudes, if you put something on the menu, make sure it’s available. Unlike the local Fawlty Towers, which is on an island, you have no excuses. So. don’t give me a menu with sodas such as “mineral water, dry ginger ale, ginger beer, tonic water, soda water” and then tell me that only mineral water is available. Likewise, don’t have a “Special! Promotion!” on “jumbo hot-dogs” at the Bistro and then tell me that you’ve run out of jumbo hot-dogs! That goes beyond eccentricity into incompetence!

    The family room we got was pretty bare-bones, but spacious. We got a mini-fridge, a kettle with some complimentary hot chocolate drink sachets, and a TV. Towels and beach towels were provided, as were basic toiletries in one of the pokiest, dingiest bathrooms I have ever had the misfortune to endure.

    The whole place was a bit worn, but clean. That is, until the Saturday afternoon crowd rolled in, mostly from Selangor, judging from the licence plates. Once that happened, empty plastic bags started blowing around near the pools and there was even a used nappy at the edge of the water. Luckily, the staff managed to clear them all away quickly. But still, it was a definite headpalm moment for me.

    What we liked: There was a whole lot of staff. If you wanted to ask a question, you never had to wait more than fifteen seconds before spotting someone in a uniform walking around. All the water slides and pools were fully supervised. There were low-cost food options available ($5 burgers in the evening, and a reasonably-priced convenience store next to the reception building). There was entertainment! Video games room (you had to pay), magician in the afternoon (free), movies (free), and live acts (free) on the outdoor stage at night, including an acrobatic troupe from China and some local young singers.

    And the Ramadan buffet. Oh my, it was fine! RM35 nett per adult, RM22 nett per child. And the food was lovely. Chinese food. Indian food. Malay food. Lovely little desserts. The staff were friendly and polite and topped up the food without needing to be asked (or disappearing it completely, as the Shangri-La Hotel in Singapore did to us over High Tea one afternoon. I mean, when a supposed 5-star hotel in Singapore gets outdone by a 3-star in some semi-urban place in Malaysia, you know you’re in trouble).

    Summary: We’d go back to Tiara in a shot, with two provisos. Their bathrooms have got to be upgraded. And I think the resort is about 25% overpriced, considering the worn-down state of the place and the fact you can get a two-night package at the definitely more upmarket Avillion in Port Dickson (also not really PD, but a dozen kilometres south) from about RM800 as well.

  • Vacations: self delusion

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    Something rather noteworthy happened this morning, but as I’m on a bit of a roll with this series, I think I’ll keep the news till next week. Besides, there’s a lot to digest, so I want to make sure I’m honest with you by the time I share the news. In the meantime, behold, part 2 of 4 on my mini-series on vacation thoughts.

    This topic covers more than just vacations, but let’s start with that one. Several years ago, I was in conversation with a bunch of co-workers in Melbourne just after coming back from holiday.

    Them: So, how was Vanuatu?
    Me: The people were wonderful, but the beaches sucked.
    Them: Really?
    Me: Yep. I have to say, the best beaches I’ve encountered so far are in Queensland.
    Derek, a co-worker: That’s not true. I took the family to Vanuatu a couple of years ago and the beaches were a blinding white.
    Me: (After comparing notes as to where Derek had gone and where we had gone, and finding out it was the same place) I don’t think so, Derek. The sand was a distinct pinky-brown colour.
    Derek: You must be colour-blind! The beaches in Vanuatu are better than anything we have in Australia.
    Me: Then you obviously haven’t been to Queensland. Try Noosa. Or Sunshine Beach. Or Broadbeach at the Gold Coast. And I’m not even mentioning the Whitsundays! The sand there is white. The sand in Vanuatu is not white. And it has a different texture. It’s not as fine.
    Derek: Oh. Yeah, you’re right. It was a bit on the brownish side as well. I remember my wife complaining about that.

    Here’s the thing. When you’ve expended major assets (whether time or money) on something, the average person is loathe to admit that they’ve subsequently made a mistake; like my friend Derek, who has probably told umpteen people that the Vanuatu island of Efate is covered with snow-white sandy beaches when that’s patently not the case. Even Sibu Island, that I was describing yesterday, doesn’t have white sand. And it’s not even “golden” as so much of the travel propaganda tells you. At best, it’s a lightish tan. Brown rather than yellow. Sorry, but that’s the truth.

    The problem I have is that this self-delusion transfers across to areas where it can be dangerous to accept. (All excerpts from real conversations.)

    A: So, what’s it like, living in Therelandia?
    B: Oh, it’s terrific! It’s so much better than living in Herelandia! There’s so much room to move. Clean air. A good living. My kids are now citizens and they love it here.
    A: So, you’re glad you moved?
    B: Absolutely! I couldn’t imagine living in Herelandia. All that politics. The discrimination. The cost of living was so high. At least our family sees a future for ourselves here. We only regret not making the move years ago.
    A: What about the schools?
    B: They’re wonderful. Our kids are top of their classes. The curriculum is so varied and really fosters imaginative and creative work, not like the rote learning you and I went through in Herelandia.

    But, as with Derek, if you persist, the picture starts changing.

    A: Do you have much to do with the locals?
    B: Er, no, not really. They tend to stick to themselves.
    A: Then what do you do with your free time?
    B: Well, my husband/wife’s family is out here too, so we spend most of our time visiting them.
    A: And do you have a good job?
    B: Yes, of course! I have complete flexibility!
    A: With that Masters in Agricultural Science, you managed to find a good position, then?
    B: Well, not exactly. I’m a taxi-driver.
    A: And do you like driving a taxi?
    B: The money’s better on the weekends, but so’s the chance of getting assaulted or having someone do a “runner” (running off without paying the fare –ed.) on you. It’s safer during the week, but the money’s not as good. But we manage.
    A: Have you ever thought of returning to Herelandia?
    B: (shrugs) We don’t have enough money to move again. And, after not working in my profession for so long, where would I find a good job back in Herelandia?

    Ah, maybe that was a little grimmer than I expected. Sorry about that. But I wanted to illustrate the capacity for self-delusion that we all carry within us.

    Getting back to vacations, if we spend $30 a night for a bunk in a dorm, then we’ll happy cop to the bed-bugs in the mattress or the noisy pub that didn’t stop playing music till 4:00am the next morning. But if we’re paying $900 a night, as in the British Malaysian Fawlty Towers, then it’s much harder to admit that we’ve made a mistake, isn’t it? We feel that we end up looking like fools, good only to part with our money but complete failures in initial judgement. And, of course, tourist destinations play to this very nicely, attempting to make everything seem “high class” and “exclusive” to only “discerning customers”. After all that, how many people are willing to admit that their expensive vacation to Big Destination Resort was a complete waste of money? And even if you do admit that you lost a boatload of cash with a poor choice, there are dozens of others who’d shout over you because, while you might be okay to admit it to yourself, not many others are.

    Expensive travel destinations and self-delusion. A match made in heaven.

  • Vacations: the Fawlty Towers of Malaysia

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    Because you’ve been so good with my absence, I thought I’d try a post a day till Friday, all on one topic. I think I have enough material to fill four days, so let’s get started.

    When talking about vacations, there’s a threshold you reach around which things are deemed to be superior. That number is usually $1,000 a night. While $500 a night is special, once you approach four figures, a certain set of expectations kicks in.

    On our last holiday weekend, we went to Sibu Island and stayed, NOT at the more expansive Sibu Island Resort, but somewhere a bit more “cosy”, owned by an elderly English couple.

    So, considering we paid RM2,722 for a 3-night weekend (which is about half the average Malaysian’s monthly wage) — or RM900+ a night — how much of the following would you be prepared to accept at that rate? What do you expect for $900 a night?

    • Dogs excreting several metres from where you’re eating or swimming?
    • Board games with pieces missing or broken?
    • Lights in your rustic hut that dim every time you switch on the shower?
    • Purpose-built dimmer switches that don’t?
    • Your children not being allowed to join you for dinner, while dogs are allowed into the kitchen?
    • A curtain rod falling off the wall and almost hitting your son’s head?
    • The lovely aromas of dog shit and sewage drifting into the open-air dining room?
    • Absolutely atrocious food?
    • The toaster being broken during breakfast?
    • Open salt and pepper containers that still bear the imprint of the last diner’s fingers in them?
    • The hot water urn, and thus the only public means of making a cup of tea, being broken during breakfast?
    • Being told, on arrival, that the water used in the accommodation is not drinking-water standard, but not getting even one complimentary bottle of water during your stay?
    • Dirty crockery?
    • Meal-times that always ran at least 30 minutes later than scheduled, and that with only 8 guests? (What would have happened with a full house, one wonders?)
    • Indifferent, if not unpleasant, service?
    • Having to negotiate piles of dog excreta on your way to/from the beach?
    • No complimentary tea or coffee?
    • Long hair across the dining table placemats?
    • Not even a radio, much less a cheap boom box, in your room?
    • Providing “children’s dinners” in the tariff, but not even giving them one scoop of ice-cream for dessert? (I mean, they’re kids, for crying out loud!)
    • Frankly dangerous stairs to our “hut”, with each tread narrower than the length of a seven year old’s foot and with sharp edges?
    • Insisting that the children eat earlier, the adults scheduled two hours later, but with no provision for any supervised activities to keep the kids occupied for those hours?
    • Having tea and coffee supplied with breakfast, but having to pay for even one glass of water with dinner in a “breakfast and dinner included” tariff?
    • Knowing that there is no air-conditioning (after all, the sea breezes were lovely), but also no insect screens and a mosquito net that gaped open because it was too small for the master bed it covered?
    • Use of the cheapest, most acrid-smelling mosquito coils (not even the more pleasantly scented night-time ones) and mosquito coil holders that were so old that they were gummed shut and couldn’t be opened? And thus the coils couldn’t be safely left burning?

    For $900 a night, I’d warrant that you’d be prepared to put with — well, preferably none — but with maybe 3-4 of the above. However, we had the dubious honour of having tolerated all of them. In one weekend. Is it luck or skill on our part, I wonder?

    And let’s not talk about the breakfast portions that kept getting smaller each day. Or the fact that breakfast was supposed to go till 11 o’clock in the morning but that all the tea and coffee supplies got cleared at 9:30am, the moment the last guest got their first cup at breakfast. Want any more? You had to pay for it, baby. A pot of tea cost $10, with the cheapest tea bag labels hanging out. When Little Dinosaur got thirsty and J asked for a cup of hot water at precisely 11:00am one morning, the owner demanded in her strident voice, “Didn’t you already have breakfast?” Needless to say, we didn’t get that cup and had to buy a bottle of water instead (ka-ching!).

    We all know that Fawlty Towers is renowned for combining a pathological stinginess with a complete lack of service and I’m happy to say that the British Malaysian Fawlty Towers competed admirably in both regards.

    Like the owner who let one of his dogs do whatever it was doing in the water, two metres from where I was swimming, without even batting an eyelid. He just stood there, while the dog did its thing in the water, and while I also stood, frankly disbelieving. Now, Sibu Island Resort, for example, has a “sunshine policy”. If it rains for four hours on any one day, you get one free day that you can redeem at the resort within the next twelve months. (Yes, of course that’s just a tactic to make a bit more money, but at least the offer is there.)

    However, if we take out a kayak, and a lightning storm starts up 20 minutes later, so we return to shore, then British Malaysian Fawlty Towers still charges us full rental. We were the only family there, but there was still an incredible lack of flexibility regarding how our children were treated. Even though the “resort” had a “kampung hut” for “families”, it was obvious that children were despised, even if all they wanted to do was play on the beach and go to sleep while waiting for us to finish a dinner that was up to 40 minutes late. Every. Single. Night.

    In a way, I suppose it’s my fault. After all, nobody raves about English hospitality, do they? Or English cooking? (Boiled lamb? Roast beef that tasted like it had been cooked in laundry detergent? Freezer-burnt vegetables, inexpertly steamed? Grossly diluted soup with, for good measure, a bug in one of the servings?) And, after a similar but thankfully shorter, experience with the perennially stroppy English co-owner of a “boutique b&b” in Melaka back in June, I now know I was just asking for trouble with my latest getaway.

    So, what should you learn from our costly mistake?

    Observation #1. The only people who are happy at places like this are people who’d be happy anywhere. As long as your major goal is to meet up with friends and drink yourself into an (expensive) stupor every night, to the sounds of Australian Crawl singing “The Boys Light Up” (with an obvious ironic lack of understanding of the lyrics), then it really doesn’t matter whether you’re in Bali, Phuket or Sibu Island, does it?

    Observation #2. Never stay where the owners can keep an eye on you. The aims of the two parties are completely different. The visitor is there to relax and unwind and spend as many hours frolicking in the surf with her/his children as possible. The owner sees every visitor as a potential vandal/thief, only intent on destroying as much as possible in as little time as possible. In this way, there doesn’t seem to be a move you can make that doesn’t come under the suspicious cynosure of the owners. This does not make for a relaxing time.

    Observation #3. And I know I’m going to make this mistake again, but try not to stay anywhere that’s too self-contained, whether it’s on an island or a mountain. You need some way to get away to a town, at the very least, so the resort can only hold you to ransom, and empty your wallet, at a slightly slower rate than they’re anticipating.

    What was nice: The Dive Centre instructor. A friendly, laid-back man (albeit also British) who’d travelled a lot of the world, teaching people PADI courses. The locals, who were spontaneously friendly and cheerful.

    What wasn’t: Everything else.