Archive for the ‘Geek stuff’ Category

  • 05 Feb

    Posted by


    Category

    Opportunities and new software systems

    0

    HOW do you structure your price plans?

    I’ve been following the myki debacle in Melbourne recently via The Age newspaper. According to this article, the introduction of a public transport smart card is “almost three years late and $350 million over budget.” Ouch!

    Admittedly, as an IT geek, I have a bias, but let’s take some general principles and see what we find.

    Melbourne is divided into zones. Fair enough; most cities in the world with a public transport system have zones. Melbourne also has a system of buses, trains and trams. That’s not too onerous either. There is also a “NightRider” discount service offered only on weekend nights. O-kay. And there are two-hour tickets which are only valid from the next hour from the time you validated your ticket plus 2 hours. (So, it’s always better to validate your ticket at, say, 12:05 than at 11:55.)

    Children three and under may travel for free but ONLY if accompanied by a parent or guardian. (How to tell without flashing the kid’s birth certificate, and your own bona fides, at every station booth and inspector along the way?) But, while children 16 years of age and under don’t need a concession card, they’re allowed to travel on a concession fare. If you’re the holder of a Health Care Card, you can travel on concession but your dependents can’t unless they’re 16 or younger. Pensioners can not only travel on a concession but get free travel across two zones but only on a Sunday. If you’re a student … well, let me just quote from the appropriate Metlink page:

    16 years and under
    If you are a student aged 16 and under (and don’t travel with a Student Pass) you can travel on concession fares. You do not need a concession card.

    17 years and over
    If you are a student aged 17 and over, you must carry a valid concession card.

    Travelling with a student pass
    If you are a primary or secondary student travelling with a Victorian Student Pass or Regional Transit Student Pass, you must also have a Victorian Public Transport Student Concession Card with your pass number endorsed on your concession card.  The pass and concession card must be carried at all times when travelling.

    If you’re a senior in Victoria, you get a reduced fare for travel in two zones. BUT if you buy 5 Senior tickets in a bundle, you get an added discount. And you get the Sunday pass thing that the pensioners get AND you also get sent two off-peak travel vouchers in the mail each year. And War Veterans/Widows also get concessions but, by this time, I’m starting to get pooped.

    Hullo! What’s that? Peak versus off-peak? Oh darn, you had to bring that up, didn’t you? Yes, there peak and off-peak fares, as well as weekly, monthly, and yearly options.

    Now, and I’ve only hit the high points here, go code that.

    If you get the impression, from reading all the PDFs and FAQs at the Metlink site that the fare structure began quite simply and then just grew like topsy, I don’t think you’d be far wrong.

    So, when the opportunity comes up to completely revamp the public transport system of Melbourne, what is more likely to happen? A company gets asked to implement the fee structure as is? Or the business takes the opportunity to cut through all the dead wood, streamline the process and then ask developers to code a sleeker system?

    Yep, you guessed it. Any option that involves public money and doesn’t require any business analysis is O-KAY for a government department. After all, it’s only Victorians’ money. We’ve had commuters docked hundreds of dollars and, in the article I link to at the beginning of this ramble, three lucky commuters found AU$167,000 on their smart card (dubbed myki). It’s an ongoing, slow-motion (forgive the pun) trainwreck.

    Travelling by public transport is already a hassle. And, in Melbourne, it was quite expensive, considering the number of service cancellations commuters had to put up with. Why not keep the zones, have only two classes of fares (full and concession), say special deals on Sundays and get rid of the rest? Oh, and bring down the average price of a ticket from $10.60 (for a daily ticket across two zones) to, say, $6.00?

    I can see transport operators going apoplectic as they read this but, then again, I don’t think public transport should ever be privatised. It really isn’t working that well in Singapore, contrary to the propaganda (more on that in another post). And it doesn’t work well anywhere where a company is forced to run services that run the gamut from sardine to deserted, is penalised for bad service, AND has to make a profit on top of that. Something has to give and it’s usually commuter satisfaction.

    So, I’d love to see public transport move back to nationalisation. I consider it a basic and critical service that’s provided to citizens and an especially important one in these times of environmental consciousness. Public transport should be affordable for all, simple to understand and strategic in vision, which means thinking beyond the figures of an annual report. But I fear that would take some real thinking and I doubt most government departments are up to it.

    Next week: Lest you think I’m blaming the customer for all ills, tune in on Monday for a walk on the other side.

  • 01 Feb

    Posted by


    Category

    We need tech knowledge in tech workers

    1

    Geeks for a geek industry

    Sore point so it’s likely I’ve blogged about this before. Just as you wouldn’t take a person off the street to do surgery, you also shouldn’t take a person off the street to manage, maintain or control an IT project. I was getting used to all the people who wouldn’t know a pre-test loop from a post-test, but didn’t realise how prevalent the issue was till recently.

    Picture the scene. A customer has logged an issue. It’s been assigned to an engineer in a different time-zone. Uh-oh, problem due to working hours. Let’s read up on the issue. Hmmmmm. Interesting. Wonder if I could talk the Tech Support Duty Manager into shifting to a local time-zone by appealing to her/his geek-sense?

    Gary: Hi, this is Gary, the Duty Manager. (Not his real name.)
    Me: Hey Gary. Say, I have a bit of an issue with one of my customers. They’re after a shift to a local engineer due to time-zone issues. I believe they called earlier with that request?
    Gary: Yes, I’ve had a look at that but it isn’t a really serious issue. Priority is always given to production crash customers.
    Me: Sure, but I think this could be resolved very quickly if we transfer it. See, I think the solution is already waiting and just has to be given to the customer. We could get the issue wrapped up today.
    Gary: Really?
    Me: Let me explain it to you and maybe you can also sanity-check my thinking?
    Gary: Okay.
    Me: I’ve been reading the internal notes on this issue and Engineering essentially provides a simple solution. First, they say the solution can come from Technical Support, and not necessarily them.
    Gary: Yep, I read that bit too.
    Me (going into greater detail but this is essentially the gist of it): Great. Then, they provide a script. If the script produces a particular result at the customer site (which it did last night), Engineering says to back-up the production system and apply that same script to Production. To me, that sounds like we are very close to a solution if only someone from this time-zone could call the customer and talk them through it. What do you think?
    Gary: Well, everything you said sounds reasonable but, to be honest, I’m not a technical person so I wouldn’t know.

    And BANG! my entire argument went straight out the window. No issue shift. Pissed off customer. Not very delighted customer tech team having to work back late every night. And a pretty incredulous Support liaison (that’s me). Has it fallen this far that a phone call to a decision-making representative of Technical Support — and let me say it again, just in case you didn’t get it the first time … decision-maker in TECHNICAL support — elicits the excuse that that senior decision-maker cannot make the decision because he’s “not technical”? I still, a couple of weeks later, can’t quite come to grips with the fact that making a technical argument to a technical manager on a technical issue won’t work because the manager Doesn’t Understand A Word That I’m Saying!!!!

    And this is a technical field I’m supposedly working in? The mind boggles.

  • 18 Dec

    Posted by


    Category

    I hate taking vacations

    1

    A week of crises rolled into one morning

    Do you know why? Because, no matter how well you plan things, something always blows up on the day you’re due to leave. This year, I thought I had things handled. There was a customer with an issue that they escalated on the Wednesday that NEEDED to be resolved by Friday afternoon. I don’t blame the customer as I completely understood their situation and knew they didn’t have any room to manoeuvre. Then one of the Support managers had a bright idea, pitched it, it worked, and everyone relaxed into their chairs, exhausted but happy, late Thursday afternoon.

    That was it, I thought to myself, that was The Diabolical Issue That Haunts Every Leave’s Eve. For once, I had beaten the curse and was ready to slow and shut down (after writing the Support manager a heartfelt thank-you email) the following day.

    Nope. That was only the teaser, the Universe taunting me like one of our kids does with a feather on a stick in front of Fluff.

    Late last night, the real Diabolical Issue hit my Inbox. And, now, on the eve of my leave, I’m trying frantically to contain it. (Yes, this post will be short as a result.)

    But, you see, it never fails. If I didn’t take any leave, I could handle it. But, because of a tangle of conflicting circumstances, it’s big and ugly and I only have a few hours to bed it down before the customer goes screaming to my employer demanding my head on a platter. And I don’t blame them for that either (well, not fully), because they’re in a scary place and opportunities to set expectations have been missed. I could wish they’d be a bit more reasonable, but we haven’t been working together long enough for me to be able to have that conversation with them. I could wish they’d take responsibility for their own issues, but a bit of a dependence has occurred and now’s not the time to have that tough talk with them either.

    I hate taking vacations.

  • 29 Oct

    Posted by


    Category

    Update on Linux Journal issue

    0

    So who’s Carlie Fairchild? She was the purported publisher of Linux Journal who commented on my last post. Well, stalwart readers, we know enough about scams to know to always, but always, look a gift horse in the mouth, so I searched on Carlie’s name and came up with the following from the Linux Journal website (cross-referenced, natch, with other search results, so you can be assured of intertube hygiene):

    Carlie Fairchild, based out of Linux Journal headquarters in Houston, Texas, joined Linux Journal in March 1995. As publisher Fairchild sets the publication’s overall direction including editorial, marketing, circulation and advertising sales.

    Leading the business development and direction of the company, Carlie focuses on strengthening Linux Journal’s leadership role in high-tech publishing.

    Over the past ten years, Carlie has been active in many industry associations, including the Magazine Publisher’s Association (MPA), Linux International, USENIX, and the National Trade Circulation Foundation (NTCFI).

    So, the comment from Ms Fairchild was on the up and up. I do apologise to her for even briefly doubting her word but there’s only the careful and the economically deceased in this modern world and I hope she understands.

    Having said that, Ms Fairchild proved herself to be an extremely courteous and understanding correspondent. The bit you should know, oh overseas readers of Linux Journal, is the following:

    [W]e just honest to goodness don’t appear to have your credit card on file any more to refund it to. When that happens, our subscription fulfillment house issues a check for the refund. But that being said, I’m with you that this just doesn’t work well for anyone outside of the U.S. so I’m now going to raise this issue with them and hope to get the policy changed for the future — there’s got to be a better way to do this. So at any rate, thank you for raising this point. I’m on it. [my emphasis --ksa]

    Within minutes of confirming that a Paypal refund would be a fine substitute, the refund amount hit my account. (I did send her a scanned copy of the cheque, so she’d know I was on the up and up as well.)

    THANK YOU, MS CARLIE FAIRCHILD OF LINUX JOURNAL MAGAZINE!

    So, if you’re in the same boat, I suggest a bit of a song and dance about it and you should get some satisfaction. And let’s hope the policy gets changed before it gets to that point for you.

    Now, if only the backward businesses in Malaysia (that also execute the same credit-card-pay/cheque-refund trick) would have even a fraction of Ms Fairchild’s professionalism, then I’d be a happy little camper. (I know, nothing ever pleases me, does it?)

  • 28 Oct

    Posted by


    Category

    Linux Journal sucks!

    2

    I’m a geek girl. I love Linux. I subscribe to Linux magazines (although, due to budget constraints, only one at a time). Having been a Linux Journal subscriber for a little while, I decided that it was time for a change (to the European Linux Magazine), so I cancelled my subscription. Okay, here are the relevant facts:

    • Linux Journal is a US publication
    • I am an overseas subscriber
    • They know I’m an overseas subscriber, because I pay overseas subscription rates
    • I paid for my subscription using a credit card

    After I cancelled the subscription, the refund for the period still outstanding came back as a cheque, drawn on a US bank!! As the very nice lady at the local bank told me, cashing a US cheque in Malaysia would be useless because the fees involved would actually exceed the cheque amount (USD16 approximately).

    It’s not the amount, it’s the principle of the thing. If I purchased goods via a credit card, why can’t I be refunded in the same way? A US cheque smacks of nothing more than sheer arrogance. Live outside the country? Cancelling a subscription? Too damned bad!

    The upshot of this is that I have a useless cheque and Linux Journal has essentially made a $16 profit off my subscription. If every other overseas subscriber is shafted in the same fashion, it can add up to some serious money and, meanwhile, Linux Journal tells us all to go whistle. I wasn’t aware of this aspect of the magazine before I cancelled, but now I’ll make sure to warn everyone off Linux Journal. It’s bad enough that we have to pay substantially extra to have our copies shipped to us overseas. To have to also put up with such meanspiritedness afterwards is just rubbing it in.

    IN OTHER NEWS: I was blogging at Novel Spaces yesterday on Church and the atheist. And I got comments! Wow! Why not join in?

    UPDATE: Rikki Kite was kind enough to drop me a line, pointing out that my link to Linux Magazine was wrong and actually points to another, web-only publication. Oops! Sorry, LM! Link has been corrected. I’m also more than happy to invite any other geek girls (and their admirers) out there to Rikki’s blog that highlights women in open source. It’s called ROSE BLOG and is here. Thanks Rikki!

  • 13 Jul

    Posted by


    Category

    It’s like Joseph Stalin versus Adolph Hitler

    0

    So, Google’s scalable cloud suffered a 6-hour outage the week before last. The Reg had a great article on this, outlining the contrast in strategies between Google (Teh New Ebil) and Amazon (Teh Well-Established Ebil). It’s a bit like trying to figure out which you hate less — swallowing broken glass or trying to do trampoline acts on it.

    In any case, what with all this Web 2.0 hoo-ha, every company is trying to get their foot in the door, charging for cloud apps. The problem with cloud apps, though, is that once you tell your clients that the software on their desktops is redunant then — and there’s no telling how unreasonable human beings can get — people expect the software in their clouds to actually be, er, available.

    Now, Amazon had a significant outage with its cloud apps last year as well. And it lasted two hours longer than Google’s. But the way it was handled was completely different.

    Amazon provided specific details on what bugs led to the crash. Google said:

    There was a serious issue in one of the App Engine’s datacenters.

    No, really? Amazon highlighted shortcomings in their own code. Google, um, didn’t. Sumfin’ didn’t werk, seems to be about the gist of what they disclosed. As for ensuring similar mistakes don’t happen again, they said the following:

    The team has been actively working on a solution in the medium-term that would allow us to switchover data centers immediately without consistency problems.

    Can I tell ya something? I don’t even feed that level of bullshit to my customers! And what the hell is “medium-term” supposed to mean anyway? Tomorrow? Next year?

    Ted Dziuba says that “the App Engine main product page has a prominent link to the terms of service at the top, and no link or contact information for support.” So I went there to check it out and Ted’s right. In Linux world, choosing “Community” means going to a customer forum where your questions can be answered. In Google world, it means joining the developer community. And while there is a “System Status” link, all it shows is that everything is peachy (or not). Not even a Live Chat link to a bored AI, much less a support email or phone number.

    What is the world coming to, I ask, when Amazon — despised, “overpriced for overseas customers”, “gobble everything in its path” Amazon — actually handles a situation better than “don’t ask us about our algorithms”, “oh everything is opt-out didncha know?” “do no evil? yeah right” Google? What hope is there for humankind? We’re doomed! Doomed, I tell you. If you want me, I’ll be under that off-grid rock over there.

    PS The Book Depository is making its move into North America, fronting Amazon on its own turf. I love the Book Depository (they don’t charge shipping anywhere in the world!) and wish them all the best.

  • 22 May

    Posted by


    Category

    What’s with all the pre-emption already?

    0

    The USA seems to have an unhealthy obsession with pre-emptive everything nowadays. First it’s a foreign defence policy predicated on pre-emptive action. And now it’s pre-emptive quitters. Say, weren’t you the country that gave us “Minority Report”, lecturing us on the dangers of pre-emption (at least, that’s what I think it said … forgive me, my attention was focused on Tom Cruise’s nose. I’m shallow like that)? So what’s with Google lately?

    In case you haven’t heard, Google have developed an algorithm that identifies quitters before they resign. According to the Wall Street Journal and The Age:

    Google examined data from employee reviews and promotion and pay histories to try to identify which of its 20,000 employees were most likely to leave the California-based company.

    Having worked in the USA, I know that once you walk past those office doors, the company owns every skerrick of employment-related piece of data that pertains to you, so I’m not surprised that they even did this. However, I am surprised by Edward Lawler, director of the Center for Effective Organizations at the University of Southern California, who is quoted in the WSJ article as saying Google is “clearly ahead of the curve” in taking “a more quantitative approach” to personnel decisions.

    Good grief! Hasn’t this been one of the major problems in this world? The trumpeting of the quantitative over the qualitative? Since when is taking a “quantitative approach” to human beings a better thing? It’s certainly a simpler thing. A thing that looks good in presentations. A number that can make a manager angling for a promotion look damn fine. But “ahead of the curve”? I doubt that.

    Recent Predator drone strikes in Pakistan have killed over 600 people. (Fact) The Pentagon estimates that the number of al-Qaeda operatives killed in such a way has been 7% of the total casualties. (Fact) That’s taking the quantitative approach to something. The military and governments of the world do it all the time to obscure very real human suffering, and it’s vile and pernicious and dehumanising.

    If I am the manager of someone, then it’s my job to know whether someone is dissatisfied with their work. Reducing a skill of people management and motivation to a damn algorithm (and I say that being a lover of algorithms) is one of the most heinous things I’ve ever heard of. And here’s a newsflash. Not everything in the world can be reduced to numbers.

    Let’s say I have a boring job, have not had a promotion in years, no pay raise, and feel I’ve been under-appreciated. According to Google, I’m going to leave. However, I am looking after an invalid parent and have three small children. Am I going to leave? Maybe. I may either have really had enough … or I may figure that a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

    But then I win a lottery jackpot. Am I going to leave? Maybe. I may try a life of leisure and hire help for my parent and a nanny for my children … or I may try investing it all and keep going to work because that’s the only place I have friends.

    But then I go to the casino on the weekend and blow it all at the blackjack table. Am I going to leave? Maybe. Easy come, easy go, and it’s off to work I go on Monday … or I may decide that this is really the straw that broke the camel’s back and it’s going to empower me to give my old company the boot.

    And so how, pray tell, given the plethora of permutations that make up our lives, is Google’s thin slice of knowledge of me via its HR records going to determine the correct answer at any given time? However, what bothers me more about the Google algorithm is not so much that it will identify potential quitters, but that the real agenda is to pre-emptively identify those who are “dissatisfied” and put those people on the A-list when the inevitable cycle of “restructuring” cuts rolls around. It’s an easy way out, you see. Why bother trying to make the workplace better when you can just get rid of the ones most likely to be unproductive?

    I’d say, thank dogs I don’t work for Google, except I have the feeling that such unmitigated trash (and you know how high-level managers love trash dressed as “a decision-making tool”) will become part of every company’s arsenal in the near future (thus netting Google some additional licensing revenue, I’m sure). And don’t even think of being honest with your manager during your next performance review. That way lies the pink slip. Thanks again, America!

  • 14 Apr

    Posted by


    Category

    Radio show for April

    0

    Well, it appears that the timing for catching me on Blog Talk Radio has settled down to a steady fourteenth of the month. So, in view of that, if you’d like to catch me on Total-E-Talk talking about Total-E-Bound’s April releases, direct your browsers to the following:

    Total-E-Talk

    at the following times:

    Singapore/Malaysia – 6:00pm
    UK – 11:00pmam
    Europe – midnightmidday
    US Pacific – 3:00am
    US Mountain – 4:00am
    US Central – 5:00am
    US East – 6:00am

    Hopefully the gremlins will be out of the system this time (what’s that? Did you say, “couldn’t be any worse than last time”?) and I’ll actually be able to hear what’s being played. It’s a 30-minute show, so tune in, call in, chat or whatever takes your fancy. If the time is inconvenient, you can always catch me on replay at the Total-E-Talk site.

  • 27 Mar

    Posted by


    Category

    As The Tera Flops, Part I

    0

    Are you an IT worker? Have you been to one of the mandatory company meetings lately? Aren’t they a hoot?

    As mentioned before on this blog, almost ad nauseam, the morale of IT folk is gone. Broken. Destroyed. Disintegrated. Never to return. All we can hope to do now is hold onto our jobs and desperately find ways of justifying our own positions so they don’t get outsourced to Ranjeev and his friends in Bangalore.

    But, in the meantime, we still have to live through the intrinsic contradiction of the private company. The contradiction is this. The company pretends it’s a democracy. We know it isn’t. The company pretends to care. We know it doesn’t.

    Take coffee cups, for example. About a year or two ago, the company I work for decided to go on a “health drive” regarding coffee cups. We were told that polystyrene cups were Teh Ebil because: (a) they were polluting our wonderful planet, (b) they were a health hazard to us, the valuable employees, and (c) :: mumble mumble :: they cost money. So, there was a big initiative to bring your own mug to work. I’m sure this kind of thing has played out at your workplace as well.

    The truth, however, is that the company doesn’t give a crap about your health or the environment, as long as it can’t be sued for anything. It was the third reason, in 8 point font, at the bottom of the large full-colour poster announcing the initiative, that was the kicker.

    It costs the company money.

    And you can tell it for the lie it is because, if it was only reasons (a) (the environment) and (b) (your health) that it was worried about, why then it could have sourced recycled card cups instead of polystyrene, right? But that was never an option. Using peer pressure to force everyone to bring mugs to work only makes sense if the major reason for the change is (c). The cups, whether polystyrene, recycled card, or detoxed plutonium for that matter, cost money which the company didn’t want to spend. (*)

    So, moving right along, when we have these company meetings, with streamed audio and video and much PowerPoints, we have the same tactic at play. The company pretends it operates in a way to maximise your goals and ambitions, while we — subconsciously or not — realise that it doesn’t. It’s looking for a reason, any reason at all, to either squeeze more work out of you or cut your ass and ship the job overseas. And if you can help that process along, all the better. So, a barometer reading of how well an economy is running (and how easy it’s going to be for the company in question to pink-slip you) is easily ascertained by the number of plebs willing to put up their hands and ask questions during the obligatory and dreary Q&A session at the end.

    I’m proud to say that my fellow colleagues (across multiple countries) were smart enough not to ask any questions at all. (Although this could also be due to the genetically implanted phobia Asians have of distinguishing themselves in any way. And yet they get offended by the “you all look the same to me” crack. Go figure.) They knew the drill. Better to keep quiet and keep your job, rather than ask any kind of incisive question and get labelled a troublemaker. It’s okay to be labelled a troublemaker in good times; there are lots of jobs around. But never, ever do it in bad times; there may not be another job to go to. I’m reminded of a scene from Catch-22 in this regard.

    Lieutenant Scheisskopf tore his hair and gnashed his teeth. His rubbery cheeks shook with gusts of anguish. His problem was a squadron of aviation cadets with low morale who marched atrociously in the parade competition that took place every Sunday afternoon. Their morale was low because they did not want to march in parades every Sunday afternoon and because Lieutenant Scheisskopf had appointed cadet officers from their ranks instead of permitting them to elect their own.

    “I want someone to tell me,” Lieutenant Scheisskopf beseeched them all prayerfully. “If any of it is my fault, I want to be told.”
    “He wants someone to tell him,” Clevinger said.
    “He wants everyone to keep still, idiot,” Yossarian answered.
    …
    “I won’t punish you,” Lieutenant Scheisskopf swore.
    “He says he won’t punish me,” said Clevinger.
    “He’ll castrate you,” said Yossarian.
    “I swear I won’t punish you,” said Lieutenant Scheisskopf. “I’ll be grateful to the man who tells me the truth.”
    “He’ll hate you,” said Yossarian. “To his dying day he’ll hate you.”

    Only a little later on, we find that Scheisskopf does indeed regard Clevinger as a …

    Clevinger was a troublemaker and a wise guy. Lieutenant Scheisskopf knew that Clevinger might cause even more trouble if he wasn’t watched. … Clevinger had a mind, and Lieutenant Schkeisskopf had noticed that people with minds tended to get pretty smart at times. Such men were dangerous, and even the new cadet officers whom Clevinger had helped into office were eager to give damning testimony against him. The case against Clevinger was open and shut. The only thing missing was something to charge him with.

    Working for a company is like that, especially in these times. Word to the wise: don’t be a Clevinger. I may have to sew my lips shut.

    (*) A much more honest way to handle this would have been the following: Tell your employees up-front that the office has turned into a no-disposables zone. Then supply a couple of sets of crockery (mostly for visitors) plus a dishwasher that’s run once at the end of the day. I’ve seen this system implemented in other places, and it works very well. But don’t try to shame people into bringing their own mugs and then also have the polystyrene cups available, and not even supply the kitchen facilities to adequately wash your mug at the end of the day. Talk about cheap … and half-arsed.

  • 06 Feb

    Posted by


    Category

    Too good to save for Tuesday!

    2

    The delightfully monikered Leo Apotheker, co-CEO of SAP, has come out with all guns a’blazing during a recent “conversation” with bloggers about the company. (For the full article, go to this ZDNet blog.)

    In response to some questions about the often tense relationship between SAP (the vendor), the SI (System Integrator, or consultants) and the goat (er, customer), Apotheker (did he change his name to this, because it’s absolutely wonderful. I might have a character called Apotheker in one of my stories) pulled no punches about how SAP wants to stop being blamed for failed implementations:

    I don’t give a shit if it’s Accenture or IBM … I find it shocking people are walking around talking to customers and have no experience on [SAP]. [Consultants] get hired of people [a sic, but I'm not quite sure where to put it! --ed] and have no clue.

    Okay. I really feel for Leo (do you think his name came from apothecary? Must do. How intriguing), I do. System Integrators are the bane of any vendor’s existence. They charge obscene amounts of money, far in excess of the base software, in order to essentially create and then mismanage the jigsaw pieces of putting a working system together to the goat’s customer’s satisfaction. If things go belly-up (more times than not), the product (whether SAP or its major rival, Oracle, SAS, or Cisco, Alcatel, XXXtech, or somesuch) get blamed, instead of the barely-trained consultants. It’s a dreadful situation and, considering both J and I have been in those situations more times than we’d like to admit, I sympathise completely.

    However, Leo ole pal (maybe it was his mother’s name and it was just so awesome that he had to adopt it for himself?), perhaps going head to head with some of the most political, money-grubbing, loathsome, political, mercenary, blame-shifting, political, scope-creeping, PowerPoint-heavy, political, socially-networked, political (are you getting the picture yet?) bastards in the industry of IT is, um, not the best way to go about things. Especially when you add the equivalent of a barrel full of unstable plutonium to the mix:

    If we believe [a project] takes 500 days and another partner [read, consultant company with the abovementioned characteristics --ed] says it’s 5,000 days I’ll do it for 500 and a fixed fee.

    I snorted a very nice vanilla latte out of my nose when I read that one, and — hours later — I can still barely hold back the mirth. With a dick that big, Leo’s (and it’s such a rhythmic name isn’t it? Just flows off the tongue in four, nicely-constructed syllables … a-poth-e-ker. Lovely, just lovely) wife must be well satisfied but, as far as clear business analysis is concerned, he’s still thinking with the smaller head, if you get my meaning.

    Leo (if I was your daughter, I’d keep the name, just for the techno-mellifluous sound of it. Just saying), I may only be a burnt out IT manager of impeccable pedigree and dubious career judgement but, if I may….

    The SI companies are a necessary evil in the industry and you do NOT add to your bottom line by threatening them with being cut off from the goat gravy train. That only makes them angry. And you wouldn’t like them when they’re angry. Putting aside the number of SAP implementations that you would need to support, and that pesky but unfortunately legally-binding wording in the contracts, how exactly would you kick out an Accenture or IBM and take over?

    A much better strategy, Leo (alternatively, you could adopt me and I would be happy to change my name. Just saying), would have been to keep your mouth shut, do what that loathsome creature Fiorina (just because she was the spawn of Satan didn’t mean she didn’t have one or two good ideas) was planning, buy a promising consultancy firm and then ramp it up as a “SAP specialist” SI partner yourself. You could have used all the approved buzz-phrases such as “reaching out to the customer”, “deep experience in implementations”, “unique understanding of customer needs”, “partnerships born of respect and technical expertise”, “unparalleled return on investment”, etc. etc. and, in the end, beaten the consultants at their own game.

    Instead, all you’ve done with your supposed testy and hard-hitting remarks is put the shysters on notice, with the possible consequence of funnelling more revenue into your competitors’ pockets. You’ll be off that PowerPoint “Best Fit Vendors” presentation slide faster than a Hewlett-Packard representative booted out of a Polish government livestock management meeting (that sound you heard, HP, was more than USD50million going down the gurgler due to your own bungling). And with SAP’s well-entrenched reputation as bloated, slow and damned expensive, off that slide, Leo (votre nom c’est très magnifique, mon bonbon au chocolat blanc … he also speaks French, you see, and I’m writing to impress), is not where you want to be.

    STOCK RECOMMENDATION ON SAP: Sell. Once you’ve done that, sit back, get some popcorn and enjoy the show.

    POSTSCRIPT: Leo may just end up being the gift that keeps on giving for 2009. I went to his official bio on the SAP site and read the following pearl (and this is in the official company bio, mind):

    However, his initial attempts at programming soon helped him identify his true talent and strengths: working with customers rather than in development.

    ROFL! This is another way of saying: “His team leader/project manager sacked him immediately because he was utterly, technically and, in every way, useless at stringing two bits of code together.” Maybe his “attempts at programming” failed because the dude only holds a degree in International Relations & Economics. Wonder if anyone ever pointed that out to him? “Er, Leo — love your name by the way, very memorable — maybe you should actually learn about programming first before trying to do some? Just saying.” Priceless.

Page 2 of 4«1234»