Fluff is a blue-point Ragdoll, a grumpy and morose cat with an unhealthy attachment to J. Despite his lack of any sense of humour, Fluff has earnt his place in the family by rescuing The Wast from morning after morning of screaming fits when our son was three years old. Driven to distraction, we introduced the Ragdoll kitten and The Wast was transformed. Fluff let himself be dragged from place to place, hoisted onto bunk beds, buried under blankets at night, all with incredible good grace. The Wast settled down and the screaming fits ended.

Squeak is the Maine Coon we introduced to keep Fluff company. We called him that because he couldn’t meow properly as a kitten. Now, however, he can Maine Coon trill with the best of them. If Fluff is the grumpy one that prefers to fall asleep on J’s feet, Squeak is the life of the party, carrying his favourite toy in his mouth as he moves from room to room, and noisily and enthusiastically playing with it when he reaches a spot he likes. For all his overt cockiness, however, he’s a shy and surprisingly timid 7-kg ball of fluff. He loves the kids, often sitting on a bed and keeping them company while they play, and they love him. The idea of him keeping Fluff company didn’t work out so well (Fluff being a sullen bastard at the best of times), but Squeak’s an entertaining and intelligent cat and we’re happy we got him.

We keep both cats indoors and are lucky enough to have a walled courtyard garden here at Lotus Street, so they can get some fresh air and munch on leaves (then throw up on the tiled floors * sigh *) while still remaining safe and not harming any of the local squirrels or bird life. I’ve read that, here in Malaysia, keeping smaller cats indoors is also recommended due to monkey kidnapping! It appears that, if you live near a tract of established trees, monkeys have been known to drop into a garden and make off with the family pet. Knowing monkeys for the deliberately ill-mannered and implacable animals that they are (I’d much rather keep a pet snake than a pet monkey), I can imagine what fate await the poor, stolen felines.

And there’s some human-initiated kidnapping of pets that I’ve heard also happens, although I don’t know what happens to the victims in such cases. (I know what you’re thinking. As a riposte, I can relate an anecdote about my (Eurasian) mother, after coming back from her first grocery shopping trip in Australia. “These people eat cats!” she wailed. “I saw them skinned in the butcher’s shop!” Further investigation led to the conclusion of rabbits rather than cats, but she never went back to that shop again.)

So, Fusion Despatches would like to extend a warm acknowledgement to the existences of Fluff and Squeak, as I join the legion of authors who keep cats instead of dogs.

So, I’m on the hunt for a slab of smoked pork and a bunch of parsley, goddammit! It’s almost three weeks and no luck. This part of the world doesn’t use parsley as a matter of course. Coriander is the ubiquitous herb around. And I like coriander. But not in my pesto, or other pasta sauce.

As for the smoked pork, well Malaysia is predominantly Muslim. That’s not to say there are no Chinese shops selling porky goodness, because there are. But we have the same problem as we did in Singapore and that is, Chinese have a dreadful habit of putting sugar in EVERYTHING! It’s like honey-roasted pork with a coating of sugar syrup. If there are any Chinese out there reading this blog (and I’ll be asking my Chinese friends the same question), could you please let me know the name of the person who told you that sweetening and perfuming pork sausage (and I’m particularly thinking of lap cheong here) was a good idea? I mean, a little sugar with the spice is sometimes a nice thing, but in moderation, people! Sweet ham, sweet bacon, sweet sausage, sweet sandwich bread. I will never diss an olive again for as long as I live.

The only spot of brightness on the horizon is the realisation that Carrefour is opening a store here in a month’s time. It will be about a 20-minute drive from our house. Can I say that I doubt there has been a grocery shop opening that was looked upon with such anticipation? I even go there every now and then, and watch the delivery trucks arriving, just to make sure it’s actually happening. For all you non-Carrefour readers, Carrefour is a French chain of supermarkets. Cheese! Dairy! Pork! Parsley! Countless varieties of mustard! My sanity is saved … sometime in August.

So, while I wait for the weeks to tick away on feet of lead (Salsify! Escargots! Salmon!), Chapter Nine of War Games is now up at my site, regardless of what the home page may say. There is a confrontation between Rumis and Koul at the Nineteen’s HQ, subsequent to Cheloi’s capture by the rebels. Cheloi/Laisen has a discussion with Copan that he’s not happy with. And she remembers the love of her life, Eys.

FAVOURITE QUOTES FROM CHAPTER NINE

“Speaking of replacement, I think your assumption of command is just a little premature, Colonel.”
“As is your grasp of reality, Major.”

“I’ve always valued our talks, Doctor. I just wanted to make sure that I told you that.”

Her parents loved Eys. Hell, everybody loved Eys. People panted and trailed after her like puppies. Men and women, it made no difference. But she was Laisen’s. Only Laisen’s.

Yesterday was also my day to write at Samhain’s blog, and I blogged a bit about moving, and changes, and what may have been overlooked in the process.

(*) ‘Cos there wasn’t enough for a grab bag.

What happened in Chapter Seven: Koul Grakal-Ski finds leverage against Garza and uses it to his advantage. He has a plan to eliminate Cheloi and gain command of Territory Fifteen, but he needs Garza’s cooperation to do it. Will she agree?

What is in Chapter Eight: While on a rendezvous with one of her more unconventional sector commanders, Cheloi and Garza are captured by rebel forces, and Cheloi gets to meet their notorious leader, Drel, face to face.

Go here to the War Games page, where you can catch up on anything you’ve missed.

Um, just wondering … how is everyone finding the serialisation? With the past couple of weeks to one side, is one chapter a week a good pace? Are you enjoying it? Not? Like to share?

Still, I should have Chapter Seven of War Games up on my site by the end of today and Chapter Eight will appear the day after tomorrow, with much apologies and bowing and scraping.

With the exception of dozens of boxes still littering every room of the house, life in Lotus Street is starting to look … well, let’s just say that if you could see to the horizon of a forseeable future, it would look kinda nice. Apologies are also due to JoSelle and Maria for running so late with the June Radio Free Bliss interviews that it won’t be June any more by the time I get to them. So much for having boundless faith in human resources and high technology.

Gotta go but will probably drop by with a quick entry on Wednesday, just to let you know that I’m still alive and that War Games is still serialising.

With this — and my always doubtful sanity — in mind, Fusion Despatches will be on hiatus for a week and a half. If everything goes to plan (cue maniacal laughter), I should be back on Wednesday, 18 June, in time to post Chapter Seven of War Games. Apologies to regular readers for any inconvenience.

You want to know the really sad bit? I’m already trying to talk J into moving to a different country in a few years’ time. He laughs and walks away, but I think I’m slowly wearing him down.

This is part of a Greenhouse calculator in the children’s “Planet Slayer” section of the website. Actually, when I first ran the quiz, I found out I was going to live forever. The next time I ran it, I tried to pick a carbon footprint that was a little bigger than the Average Australian (Pig) to see what would happen. And it told me to commit seppuku at 8.9 years of age.

Now, I don’t consider myself a particularly warm and squishy, Care Bear type. But telling CHILDREN that they should die at a particular age because they’re emittingresponsible for too many greenhouse gases is a bit … um … perverted? Also, although the way Planet Slayer is set out is geared towards kids, the questions are obviously aimed at adults. I mean, how many children you know travel by air on business? Or spend x thousand dollars a year? Or divide their annual expenditure according to “ordinary stuff”, “stuff that’s better for the environment” and — get this — “ethical investments”?

Not only, in my opinion, is this questionnaire in utter bad taste but it also commits a bigger crime of tarring all leftist types with the broad brush of lunacy. Even across the equatorial line, I can almost hear conservatives in Australia decrying the project using the usual tired lament: “Look at what these PC socialists are doing with public money! How irresponsible! They want our children to kill themselves, the immoral, godless, tree-hugging do-gooders!”. And, once more, people like me are lumped in with emotionally immature types that think A Message gives them permission to trample all over other people’s sensitivities.

“But I think that Greenhouse Calculator is entirely the wrong way to approach the subject,” I decry.
“But you think we should all be more sustainable, don’t you?” Conservative Superior snarls.
“Well, yes,” I splutter, “but not, not like thi–”
“You bloody greenie, bleeding hearts are all the same, using taxpayer’s money to come up with that drivel. You lot should be jailed.”

How can a sane socialist win? Here’s the article in the New York Post if you’re interested. The Creative Director, Bernie Hobbs, says: “We wanted to put the important things in perspective, and have a laugh along the way.” You chuckling yet?

For my slice of Internet bandwidth, I think The Three Trillion Dollar Shopping Spree handles another controversial subject in a much better manner that is more entertaining and educational than an exploding pig.

Well, of course, Singapore wasn’t about to take this lying down. So, on 27 May, Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew made a speech about how subsidies (”like welfare systems in Europe”; notice there’s not even a sly allusion to Malaysia) have lowered incentives for their citizens to strive and excel. In other words, where there’s government intervention to help the average citizen, the average citizen becomes lazy and stupid, thus leading to the downfall of Western civilisation.

Answering the complaints of Singaporeans that food and transport costs in the island state should be subsidised, LKY’s counter is that Singapore must instead produce positive economic growth year after year. If you’re wondering how one answers the other, LKY explains that if Singapore produces positive economic growth each year, then Singaporeans will have more incentive to work hard (not like those lazy MalaysiansEuropeans), and will thus earn enough money to pay market prices for food! It’s a wonder the man’s genius isn’t appreciated outside Singapore, he has such a complete grip on global socioeconomics.

A direct quote from LKY: “When everybody knows the cost of what he consumes or uses, he will spend his money more to his benefit.” Isn’t it lovely? I want that one on a t-shirt as well.

Now, here’s the thing. The Singapore government believes that it can guarantee economic growth through population influx. Thus, it is thinking of increasing the population of Singapore by approximately 2 million people over the next decade. All this will do, however, will be to increase the domestic economic figure, or GDP. It will do exactly squat to affect the international economic figures, which is what is driving such things as the cost of groceries and oil.

The Singaporean government, while aware that it has no natural resources or solid manufacturing base to speak of, refuses to concede that this puts it in a vulnerable economic situation, hence the obsession to bring in more and more workers in an effort to spin greater economic prosperity. The fact that it hasn’t helped so far with sharply rising grocery and oil prices is only emphasised by one of Mr Wang’s posts, where he mentions that, for the year 2007, Singapore’s budget had a surplus of $6.45 billion.

So, according to the Singapore government, if you have an annual surplus in excess of $6 billion, no subsidies, and rising basic costs, then the solution is to bring in more people! Elementary, my dear Lee, elementary.

In Chapter Five of War Games, we find out a little more of Cheloi’s history. And, of course, while Garza may have escaped the Colonel once before, as her driver and aide, it’s inevitable that they talk alone again. After that first embrace, who will now say what to whom?

FAVOURITE CHAPTER QUOTES:

Cheloi: “There isn’t a military structure anywhere in the universe that’s airtight. They leak news, gossip and classified orders the way an antique spacesuit leaks atmosphere.”

Cheloi & Copan:
She looked at Copan. “You’re trying to distract me, aren’t you? Getting me to think of someone else besides Rumis.”
“Is it working?”
“Yes.”
“Then, in that case, yes. I am trying to distract you.”
His face was serious, but his eyes twinkled.

Garza: Garza cleared her throat. In one hand she held the Colonel’s uniform, recently laundered. In the other, she held the late afternoon’s despatches. In both, she held her nervously beating heart.

Asprin wrote the Myth (comedy fantasy) series of books, as well as the Phule (comedy military space opera, if you can believe it) series, and began the Myth books well before Terry Pratchett burst onto the scene. I think I’ve got them all. Asprin also wrote the shiniest, best EVER parody of EE ‘Doc’ Smith. I get a smile on my face even when thinking about it, and I last read that piece over a decade ago.

With his wife, he started up the Thieves’ World universe, in which various writers concoct stories within the universe. I’ll admit, I wasn’t a huge fan and much preferred his comedy work, but it was a new idea for its time and deserves recognition as such.

RIP Robert Asprin. You’ll be sorely missed.